In The Midst Of Uncertainty

I remember, when I was still in my teenage years, I uttered a prayer to God that I wanted to leave a legacy in this world. Since then, I started to take my thoughts into great lengths of imagination of how I would change the world and be written on History books.

Later on, I learned how to plan. I was always that woman with a blueprint of what's going to happen to my life. I have dreams and plans and timelines and I know what to take and what not to take. However, I realized that no matter how much of a planner I can be, I can still be uncertain of where I will end up. I have never been so uncertain with my decision-making until now.

Four years ago, I made a timeline written at the back of my Conference notebook where I stated my concrete plans: to graduate, find a work outside of my hometown, get a Master's degree, take my Doctoral's degree, have my own business and become a missionary.

Three years after that, I became a campus missionary but the post-graduate degrees and the business were laid aside. However, the desire to study never subsided. It lingered for years and then an opportunity came earlier this year where I can study in a local University. My campus director and some people close to me knows about my plan of going to Law School but I still had setbacks. I was thinking about how it would affect my work performance, what would people think about me and if God really wanted me to become a lawyer. 

When some started to ask me if I see myself as a lawyer someday, I honestly cannot give them a concrete answer because I cannot vividly see myself as one but all I wanted was to study, learn something new and meet people who don't go to church (apart from the students in the campuses that I'm meeting week in and week out) so I would know their stories and understand them better. However, no matter how uncertain this path is, I have started to learn not to be too scared to try because even if this might just be a detour, I know that it will produce something beautiful out of me because God will always be for my sanctification. I am learning to trust God in the process even if there are things in my life that seems to be so uncertain. I long to see my God fulfill the destiny that He has for me in the midst of my uncertainties. It will be like learning to take a road with an ending that is yet to be discovered but I know that I can peaceful and joyfully walk in it because the One who made it was, is and will always be trustworthy.

Photo Credit to The Unlimited Project

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